I got up and opened door.
T. Ray grinned at me. But it was a grin of hatred, a grin accompanied by darting eyes that made me feel frost bitten, as if I was his target, his prey. I acted on impulse, making an effort to jerk the door shut. But instead, I triggered the rage inside him when the door squeezed his fingers in a mere attempt to stop those hungry eyes from consuming my all. With this force so violent, appearing to come from the very pit of hell, he smashed the door vigorously, to then come to his senses and realize that I was there.
T. Ray made his way in. “So you thought you could just run away and leave me like that,” He yelled.
He grabbed me by the arm, his fingers sinking deep into my skin, so deep that it felt like he had dug into my bones. I could feel the physical pain but underneath was the aching of a heart, the pain of realizing that perhaps what Rosaleen had said that night was true. Had my dream world shattered at the hands of T. Ray?
He whispered cynically “I’m taking your ass off to Sylvan and when we get there, oh Lilly not even that dirty shit there will save. .”
“Shut up. I’ve had enough of your crap,” the words rolled off my tongue. How dare he refer to Mary like that?
T. Ray grabbed my chin “Oh you ungrateful bitch,” slapping me. His chapped hands felt hard like the rocks that made up May’s wall. But these rocks can never compare to T. Ray in any other level but texture. For these rocks take on the pain, and T. Ray inflicts it, just as he had done once more.
I watched his shaking hands forage through his pocket to take out a piece of paper with black lines that I could not put together for my vision was blurred by the tears that I kept trying to hold back. “Where’s Rosaleen?” He demanded. “I will not let her run off just like that after ruining my reputation in town. You don’t know how I’ve been humiliated by everyone because of you and that filthy nigger. She’s leaving with us or at the mercy of Franklin Posey.”
Rosaleen was surely not here, neither was August. If so, they would’ve heard T. Ray. Of that, I was glad. “What is that in the paper? Franklin Posey’s number?” I asked. He smirked at me in return.
“She is not here. We took separate paths after leaving Sylvan. I came here to Tiburon, and she went…to some other god-damn place,” I said. “You sure?” he asked, grasping onto my arm violently. “You better not be lying to me girl, for if I find out, you’re dead. I swear. Now let’s get going and you better not yell or scream. ” He slapped me once more, this time he kicked me onto the floor. I could tell he got a joy out of hearing my faint voice begging him to stop, begging him to leave me alone. “Shut up. Now you see that you walk out of here quiet and calm or I will beat you until you feel the need to keep that mouth of yours shut”.
“Please T. Ray. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave. I’m staying!” I started out weak, but some force grew in me. It was like if Mary was standing right next to me. As if my hand had freshly touched her heart and woke her up. “I’m staying. I will not go back there to live with someone who doesn’t love me. You don’t even know my favorite color. It’s because you don’t care about me.” I was angry at that moment. “I was a mistake in your life you see, an unwanted child who was the only reason why my mom stayed with you. You made her life miserable and that’s why she left you!” Right at that moment I felt him fall deeper into wrath. His hands clutched onto his own skin with deep fury and his eyes radiated intense hatred. This was not T. Ray. He could’ve been a poor excuse for a dad, but his eyes, his eyes were unrecognizable. At was almost as if the devil himself had taken over his body ready to mutilate all that stood in his way.
His hands unclenched and he gripped my throat. I felt the pressure of his body pushing me onto the wall. I grasped for air, but could not breathe. My feet began kicking uncontrollably, trying to get at T. Ray and miraculously reach his weak spot in order to set myself free and make a run out the door.
Close your eyes Lilly. I struggled to think. Hail Mary full of grace, our lord is with thee. Mary, I need air.
I felt T. Ray’s hands slowly drift away, followed by a violent crash. My bones cracked as they came in contact with the raw cement, or at least the pain was as if. “T.Ray, where are you going? What are you going to do?”, I tried yelling, but the words irritated my throat, leaving my lips as faint, pathetic whispers.
He was walking towards the kitchen, enraged. “You’re going to get it Lilly. I’m going to make you regret ever bringing up your mother into this, god damn it. How dare you.” He yelled as he walked away, clenched hands, with a target in mind.
Lilly you have to leave. Listen to me, leave. Run Lilly, run.
I tried to get up, but my legs felt shattered. Gravity kept pulling me back onto the floor. I could not move. My eyes rummaged around the room, I was flooded with thoughts of what was, what could have been, what never was, Rosaleen, June, August, Zach, May and my mom. It all pierced my mind at once-all the painful memories, my miserable past. My body went back to that day. I was there, watching my mother unpack, my small self helping her. She was beautiful. All this was shattered by the rushing sound of heavy footsteps dragging onto the floor. I heard mother, “Lilly, hurry”. But all went by so fast that my eyes shifted from here to there, from T. Ray to mother arguing, to my small self reaching for the gun.
Words straight from my lips echoed onto the room. “Stop, you can’t do this. Mother, forgive me. You can’t do this”
T.Ray walked over, and snatched the gun. He aimed it straight at my mom as if she was an animal. She was at his mercy, and I was laying there, oblivious to all.
Blood spilled onto the floor. T. Ray’s hands, the cause of it. Although his hands were clean, they were really tainted red. The color of blood, the tint of wine lay on his hands.
I closed my eyes once more and snapped back into reality, my reality. Once more I felt the rush, the anxiety. I heard the clashing sound of silverware triggered at the hands of T. Ray. All went by so fast,; T. Ray and I stood face to face, just as he stood face to face with my mother years ago. And so, young blood spilled tonight as shattered pieces of glass collapsed from the sky.
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